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Monologue by Stephanie Pritchett

Pritchett, Stephanie
Stewart, Matthew
Date of Interview: 
Stories and storytellers; Relationships with people and places; Then and now; Childhood adventures
Stephanie Pritchett talks about her unusual family.
Charlotte Narrative and Conversation Collection
Collection Description: 
Matthew Stewart interviews Charlotteans to collect stories for a class project at UNC Charlotte.
SP (Stephanie Pritchett): My name is Stephanie Pritchett, and I've been living in Charlotte for about three years now. [Pause] I guess I'm going to talk about some of my family now. They're a little weird so, bear with me. Um, me and my grandpa, we used to go hunting a lot, and uh, um, I was like not even 10 walking around with a like semi-automatic weapon strapped to my back. And uh, we, he would like take me to the stand and we'd climb up, and like he'd even, he was like so lazy because he wouldn't even get out of the stand to use the bathroom. He had a funnel that he had attached to this big, long piece of garden hose. And he just cut a hole in the bottom of the stand and ran the garden hose through. And, uh, he used the bathroom, I used the bathroom in that and he did too. He's a little weird needless to say. And, uh, like he'll tell the same stories over and over and over again. And I've heard them so many times that there's a certain order that they go in. However long you talk to him, is you know, like one time you'll hear about when he was in the army and another time about all the horses he used to have. And, he's, he's done that to my boyfriend quite a few times. And, I guess stemming from the same branch of weirdness would be my father. And, um, he's a little crazy. I remember when I was, he was in jail when I was little but I don't remember what for. I just remember I was mad because he was on probation and couldn't come to Carowinds with us. That's all I remember. And, um, I remember we went to um, we used to go to the lake all the time. And they always set out fireworks and my father was always the one, who would, uh, he was like the master of ceremonies, he would have to light them all. He would, he had to light them all. He wouldn't let anyone else do it. And, one time he had like five set up on the pier, in the water, like in beer bottles, empty beer bottles, like five bottle rockets. And he tried to light all of them at once and this big wave came over after he lit them and all the beer bottles knocked over and one was, [laughter] and one was, um, knocked over and it went up the pier and like everybody like jumped, like the parting of the Red Sea. But that was so funny. Well, I guess you had to be there. But, um, I remember one time we tried to light a bonfire in a, in like this, at the lake mind you, we tried to light a bonfire in this, um, this big empty oil drum, this rusted out oil drum. And um, he tried to light it and something, there was some combustible in it and, um, when he lit the fuse, the match just like went "Woof" and like burned off, burned out all, burned off all his eyebrows and the hair on his knuckles and both hair, like the front part of his head, and it was really, really funny. And um, my other side of the family is weird too cause um, my grandma, my mom's mom, uh, she's dead now but when she was alive she was just completely insane because she swore up and down that she saw ghosts and aliens. Like she would sit out on the front porch and look for, look for aliens to come back and a big UFO cause she had seen one before. And she'd seen her great-great-great uncle or somebody like standing at the foot of her bed dressed in a like Civil War outfit or something, she was crazy. And, she was like deathly afraid of insects, and she would [laughter], she would just when she would see one she would jump onto a chair and yell for my grandpa. You could hear from like miles away, I swear she could screech like a banshee. It was so funny. And, like I used to watch a lot of, I used to play Jeopardy like every time you got a question right you got a, you got to, a little tally mark. And uh, one time they were all like her and my grandpa and my aunt and uncle who lived with them were all sitting around playing Jeopardy, and one commercial break, my grandma was just like, "Did you know I could hypnotize a chicken?" And uh, that was pretty funny. I didn't hear it so. My mom is insane as well. Nobody believes me 'cause she puts up, she puts up a front, but, she's crazy. [Laughter] She, she's. To get us to get in the bathroom, she'd walk around and squat and like walk around like a duck and quack, and it was [laughter] so hilarious. And, she'd make us, she'd make us follow her into the bathroom like a duck. And it was pretty funny. And um, [pause]. So anyway, my mom used to do crazy things like we'd, she did like this uncanny impression of Grover from Sesame Street and we used to make it, make her say it for us or do it for us like all the time. And um. My sister is just, crazy, certifiable, literally. And um, we used to do crazy stuff, when we were little we used to, um, but I would always make it her fault, of course cause I'm the big sister. What else are we good for? And I just remember one time she like, I had convinced her to, to ,um, climb up on the house with me, and I, I, we were running around, I forgot, I think we were acting like we were, I don't even remember. Because I think the house was on an incline, the roof and, I don't remember why we were doing it, but, uh, we were running up and down, and I guess like we were running on a treadmill or something and I slipped and fell and I landed on my back and I was like gasping for air to breathe and close to death. And, I, I must've straightened out because she was crying, and I was like, "You can't tell Grandma, you can't tell Grandma." And she went and told on me and so I got, I got like a whooping, even though I was gasping for air because I was playing on the house. So I was always trying to get her back for stuff like when she would tell on me. And uh, we used to get in like the biggest fights, like over the smallest stuff. It would make me, it made me laugh so hard now, it makes me laugh so hard looking back on it now, but. I, um, I didn't have a jacket, I had forgotten my jacket one day because we used to stay with my grandma after school, and I had forgotten my jacket at school and it was raining, and I wanted to go to my great-grandma's house to, um, to go up through the woods because they live like right through the woods from each other, like not even like, like maybe three hundred yards, four hundred yards away from each other through the woods. And like I needed a jacket because it was raining and we got in the biggest fight because she wouldn't, it was like hair pulling and scratching, everything because, um, she wouldn't let me wear her jacket. And my grandma was like, [laughter] she like put it on me and she opened the door and was like, "Run like the wind Stephanie." And so I had to run all the way to my grandma's house because I was afraid of my itty-bitty sister who was like five. ( ) Speaking of my great-grandma, she, um, she is, just, she is just so funny. She's like, she used to pick us up from school when we were in elementary school, my great-grandma now, and she would um, fly, oh my God, she would pick me up, she would pick us up and she would fly back home like on the road, and it was so crazy cause you would think the opposite of your, you know, your great-grandmother. And um, and she would fly back, and then we would like be holding on, she'd be like, "Well I've got to get there quick, Matlock's coming on," or "I left beans on the stove, I've got to get back." And um, she was just so funny so I guess that's where, people say I'm weird and now I get it, honestly. And I guess that's all.